Exclusive Ventriloquism Show: "I Might Be A Dummy, But I'm No Jew!"
Featuring Mel Gibson with Mr. Pitler

So Mr. Pitler, did you hear that I got a job as a baseball coach for a major baseball organization? Yes, that's right! What's that? Why, what's wrong? Well actually, as strange as it may seem, I haven't even met the owner yet. In fact, I don't even know his name. What's that? You know everything you need to know about him? But I haven't even told you what team I'm going to be coaching for yet! You say it doesn't matter? Well then, why don't you tell me?

GESUNDHEIT!

So go ahead and tell me when you're done sneezing, Mr. Pitler. He's a what?

GESUNDHEIT!

Are your allergies acting up again? Maybe you're coming down with -- Mr. Pitler! There's no reason to call me such a bad name! You know how I feel about those people. Now why don't you just go ahead and tell me what you know about the owner of the baseball team that I'm going to coach for? He's a what?

GESUNDHEIT!

What? Oh, I see! He's "A Jew"! How hilariously ironic and moderately frustrating at the same time.

But now that you mention it, of course he's a Jew. After all, he's the owner of the team isn't he? And the Jews own everything!

That's right, Mr. Pitler. They do also start all of the world's wars.

Hey lady, where are you going? To take a dump, or leave one? Ha, ha. What's that Mr. Pitler? You think so? Really? Well then why don't you ask her? All right, fine then. Be that way. I'll ask her.

Hey lady, what are you - some kind of Jew?

Holy cow Mr. Pitler, you were right! Boy, you really can spot them! What was it? The big nose? The gaudy jewelry? What? Mr. Pitler, I don't believe you. There's no way you could've smelled her from way up here. What? A mile? Really? That's amazing.

Hey Mr. Pitler, that reminds me of a funny joke. You want to hear it? Okay, here it goes. Why are elephants jealous of Jews? You give up? Because their noses are bigger and they stink more! HAHAHA! Oh boy, that's a good one.

Hey, what's going on? The whole room is Jewish! Fine, go then. Go home to your filthy mansions and count your money. Go start another war. Who needs you?

What's that Mr. Pitler? I still crack you up? Well that's nice, but I hope you're speaking metaphorically or else I'll have to go buy a new dummy! HA