Someone Should Pass Some Laws to Protect Me from My Big Fat Drunken Dumb AssBy: Tucker Johnson - Hey, there. How's it going? Not so good here. I'm a fucking blimp, my blood pressure is off the chart...
What Do I Need to Say to Put You in this Coffin Today? - By: An Empty Shell with a Marketing Degree - Oh hi there. I see the Excelsior has caught your eye. It’s a fine coffin - very elegant. Do you mind if I ask what... (More) 
I’m Turning You Blind Because You’re Ugly and I Hate You - By: Jesus Christ -Hey there, Timmy. How’s the vision? Not so good? Getting worse and worse by the day, huh? What a real fucking shame. Remember when you had normal eyesight how you... (More) 
I Can Masturbate Through Anything - By: Russ Slayter - I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the smartest, most attractive or talented person on the planet, but I’m not stupid, altogether ugly or completely...
Debate Corner - "I'm Not Gay" Vs. "Give Me Some Cock!" - Featuring the Cerebral Cortex and Midbrain of a Sexually Repressed Homosexual Conservative Congressman
What’s My Drug of Choice? Well, What Have You Got? - By: Tucker Myers - Does smoking a single joint doom a person to a lifetime of crippling drug addiction? Will getting high on crystal meth impel you to throw yourself from...
As You Can Tell from My Huge Fat Ass and all My Jokes about My Huge Fat Ass, I’m A Huge Fat Ass Comedian - By: A Self Deprecating Huge Fat Ass Comedian - Hey,
what a lovely crowd. I haven’t had so many nice people...
The Porno of Today is More Profane than Ever Before - By: Rep. Charles Monroe (R-NE) - Ladies and gentlemen of the House, Madame Speaker, I thank you for yielding the floor to me today so I may address what I view as a growing threat to our nation...