Ask Sarah Palin - Expert Political Advice for Political People

As a former governor of the state of Alaska, nominee for the Vice President of the United States of America and current contributor to the Fox News Channel, Sarah Palin possesses an array of credentials that makes her uniquely qualified to provide invaluable counsel to those in seats of political power. To seek Mrs. Palin's guidance, email your inquiry to AskSarahP@FoxNews.com

Dear Mrs. Palin,

Since my rightful and democratic election as President of my native Somalia in January of 2009, I am afraid I have been nothing more than an impotent figurehead. Rather, chaos reigns over my country in the form of paramilitary warfare between countless militias that has killed tens of thousands and displaced over a million more, and I am resigned to preside over little more than the parliamentary building in Mogadishu and the isolated palace in which I live. Please, Mrs. Palin, your counsel.

-Sharif Sheikh Ahmed – President of Somalia

Hey Ahmed,

If Somalia is a country, what's that cereal I've been eating for breakfast for the past nine years? Anyway Sheriff, you sound more like the Mayor of Whinytown the way you're carrying on. I mean, you're the president of the darn country, aren't you? Why don't you stop moping around that palatial tree house of your's and get out there and start acting like it? Look those militia men in the eye and tell them to stop it. You might be surprised, most militiamen secretly crave discipline and a strong hand.

And if that doesn't work, maybe you can move to a more stable country and be President there. Like Raisin Branistan.

-SP

Dear Mrs. Palin,

As the President of the Federated States of Micronesia, my people are facing a terrible crisis. Global warming has raised water levels on our archipelago of low-lying islands, destroying crop land and threatening to submerge entire communities. What do you advise?

-Manny Mori - President of the Federated States of Micronesia

What's Up Manny,

Good news, Manny! Recent emails have proven that global warming is nothing but a conspiracy. Have another pina colada and relax - your islands will be just fine.

-SP

Dear Mrs. Palin,

As the new President of Russia, I have inherited the troubling burden of managing a violent, protracted conflict with a separatist state. My nation's bitter feud with Chechnya has cost billions of rubles and thousands of deaths, including scores of Russian civilians victimized by suicide attacks. Any guidance you might provide in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

-Dmitry Medvedev, President of Russia

Yo Dmitry,

Yes, President Medvedev, as your former neighbor as the Governor of Alaska I have monitored this situation closely from my porch. Though the situation might seem complicated, lowering taxes, both the kind that regular people pay as well as the corporate tax, would certainly lead to a more robust economy and therefore make everybody happy. In addition, I would recommend a new no-tolerance policy against suicide attacks against civilians. Make it known that anybody carrying out such a crime will be subject to execution. I know that helps!

-SP