Being a parent is a real pain in the ass - trust me, I know - I did it for twelve years before life took me in another direction. Kids whine, shit and snot all over you, cost a fortune and consume all your free time without showing a shred of gratitude, and for what? Watching them play a tree in the school play? Seeing them score a goal in pee-wee soccer? That stuff is okay, but it's still small fry shit. No sir, the one true reward that makes all the trials and tribulations of parenthood worthwhile is the pride you realize from the final product - when they're all grown up and on their own in the world, happy and doing things that make you look good like my daughter Danielle.

Yeah, not to brag too much or anything, but my Dani's become something of a big star. I saw her for the first time in six years last night on a little website I frequent (actually, it's not so little - in fact, it happens to be the largest source of free hardcore porn videos on the web), and she is fucking hot. Nice big melons, a tight ass, the works. Definitely a nine out of ten. Between all the makeup, the top notch boob job and her new name Mona Cummings, I didn't even recognize her until the janitor told her to call him daddy. Boo-yeah.

Okay, so I know you're probably thinking - "So your daughter's kind of hot and is in porn, big deal. My daughter's not so bad looking either, and I'm sure she could get work having sex on camera if she wanted to." Well, you might be right, but only someone who hasn't seen my daughter in action would embarass himself by spouting such ignorance, because my daughter is more than just a pretty face and a freshly shaved, barely legal snatch. My Dani has skills. I'm telling you, if her mother sucked cock even half as good as she does, I would never have left in the first place. Snap!

Man, just to think about all those other 18 year-olds out there driving their cheap-ass hand-me-down cars back and forth between community college and their fast food jobs while my daughter is pioneering new frontiers in adult entertainment, breaking the record for largest midget anal gang bang on film by taking 86 little dwarf dicks up her back door in fifty-six minutes and twenty-three seconds... You know what? Fuck it. I don't care who I make jealous. That's my little girl covered in goo on that screen and I'm damn proud! WAAZZUP?!!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an email to write to all my friends with a link to a video of my baby girl starring in Alfred Stiffcock's new feature "Dial 'C' for Cum Drunk Sluts". Eat your hearts out losers!