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I Must Harness the Erotic Power of the Waves of Dusk – So That I May Hang Ten on Them
By: Lord Vladimir Shredington

Gothic SurferWhat is that which nature has unfurled through the fog of eve to resonate in my ear?  The sonorous thunder of distant waves crashing upon the haunted shores of dusk… It intoxicates me. The reigns of my most righteous ride yield to my hands as I command her faster still forward – to plunge quicker, deeper through the mist, to devour the glistening asphalt below more swiftly…faster through the cruel doldrums of present towards my gnarly destiny!

As I emerge onto the shadowed cliffs of Huntington Beach I rejoice in the mordant breath of the black windswept sea… to mock the evanescence of day and drink of the clouded scarlet moonlight. It is a killing moon… but lo, it is a surfing moon!  Down my tender pallid cheek a stained tear like blood runs, as now do I - across the sand towards the promise of a set not choppy, but bodacious!

Behold once more – now closer - the song of the tide!  I stop at the precipice such that my mortal toes are teased by the sodden tongue of cruel Neptune… and my ears are seduced by the violent harmony of a million drowned virgins, screaming against his plunder.  But I hesitate no further, for I am emboldened by my lustful desires, and the surf is definitely up.

Undulating through the bleak womb of all that is living, I paddle out towards the breakers. I am bequeathed a salty kiss from my brooding mother - quenching a spiritual thirst while breeding another that is of the lips… one that shan’t be sated until I drink of the Mountain Dew Code Red currently residing in the trunk of my PT Cruiser.

Thrusting deeper into the cunt of Mother Earth the turmoil builds around me.  Alone beneath the star splattered sky I hang loose – ready to harness the erotic power of the perfect wave so that I may hang ten on it the way two lovers caress before fucking.  I will let my angst swell from hunger, then explode.  I will carve that black frothy bitch with my board as my scythe – throwing chunks of its flesh to the four winds, tearing it asunder, whilst going totally aggro, brah.

At last, the ocean spreads her legs to me and bears a harem of nubile whores adorned with foamy crowns of autumn with which to indulge my libidinous appetite.  But alas, time after time, the wave - like so many smoky phantoms of bikini clad beach bunnies that pervade my daylight slumbers – proves elusive, and I am plunged into a new inner sea of sorrow that is totally bogus and without light.

Completely bummed in my shroud of despair, I contemplate for a moment the sweet release of suicide… the romance of surrendering my soul in spite to this cold slut who so enchants me.  But lo, my stomach cries out in protest at the moment of truth!  And my weakened heart is no match for the might of this beast’s conviction… which impels me to shore, and ultimately to La Taqueria, where I sink my fangs into two fish tacos with extra white sauce… and am stoked.

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