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New Agriculture Secretary Tom Green Paints White House Plaid
Returning from his latest sojourn to Mar-a-Lago this morning, The President was surprised to discover that Secretary of Agriculture Tom Green has painted The White House plaid during his absence.
Green, the Canadian-born 46 year-old comedian whose appointment came as a surprise to some in view of his previous firing by Trump from The Apprentice after he got drunk with Dennis Rodman the night before the launch of a frozen yogurt venture, reportedly took the entire four days his boss was away to finish the job.
"You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to paint the entire White House plaid!" Green remarked.
Claiming that he genuinely thought the President would enjoy his redecorative efforts, Green's prank was only his latest since assuming his new position three weeks ago, during which time he has also falsely announced the repeal of The Renewable Fuel Standard and commissioned a muralist to paint a pair of nude women engaged in a sexual act on the nose of Air Force One.
"They're grabbing each other by the pu**ies," Green explained. "It's an act of love. Those women are in love."
For his part, Trump appears unphased by his new Cabinet member's antics.
"That's just Tom," the President said. "I remember when he turned his parent's living room into a petting zoo while they were at work. That was pretty funny."
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