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Report: Fast Food Labor War Fuels Spike in US Pube-to-Shake Ratio
As the war between fast food chains and their workers over livable wage standards rages on, the nation's pubic hair-to-shake ratio has exploded, a new report reveals.
Meanwhile, reports of other atrocities, including the massacre of an entire Burger King breakfast crew in Sacramento, and a Wendy's employee inserting his penis into a Frosty machine, have become commonplace.
"It's disturbing, because caught in the middle of all this sabotage and murder are the poor slobs who can't cook for themselves or afford to spend more than five dollars on a meal," remarked consumer advocate Susan Price.
One such individual, Raymond Shreyer of Middletown, Ohio, recently discovered a McDonalds employee had replaced the beef in his quarter pounder with human feces.
"They took a crap in a bun and sold it to me," Shreyer said, "It tasted like poo."
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