Back to the 9-11

A Short Screenplay by George W. Bush

1969

Scene opens in 1969 at a wild party at a house full of hippies drinking, doing drugs, fornicating and being stupid while I sit in a corner reading Ulyssis by Jim Joyce and lift dumb bells.

Hippie #1: Hey wow like what if brockley made you high? Man that would be groovy I’d eat so much brockley.

Hippie#2: Yuck I hate brockley.

Hippie#1: But what if it got you really high?

Hippie#2: That would be different. Then I wood eat brockley every day.

Hippie#1: Totally me too.

Some hippie girls start dancing around the room naked and shaking tamborines.

Hippie Girl #1: Hey everyone lets smoke some LSD and have an obseen orgy.

Hippie Girl #2: Yeah. Hey, how about you George? Want to party?

Me: No. I have a fighter pilot test tomorrow so I can’t do drugs even though I don’t want to anyway and I am not having sex until I am married.

Hippie #1: Oh I almost forgot George is a wet towel traneing to be a baby killer so lets not bother him

I throw a sharp knife that cuts one of the long greesy hairs on Hippie #1’s face as it flies by and sticks into the wall write by his head. Then I get up and forcefully dress him in a business suit and force the classifides section of the newspaper in his hand and slap his face.

Me: Get a job!

Hippie #1: starts to cry and says he doesn’t want to.

Hippie #1: I don’t want to.

Then a second later at that precise moment Dick Chaney bursts in the door wearing a silver futuristic suit with his hair smoking and shouts

Dick: Hello I come from the future my name is Dick Chaney and we’re in trouble and George is the only one who can save us from a major terorist attack by coming back with me to the future and saving us from there dasturdly plot!

Hippie Girl #1: Wow it’s a future dork. Peace man.

Dick: Shut up and put some clothes on. Your naked body makes me sick.

Me: Okay I’ll go.

So Dick Chaney and me go outside where I see his time machine parked in the driveway. It is a long black futuristic looking limousine with smoke coming off it.

Dick: George this might sound strange but in the year 2000 your become the president of the united states.

Me: That doesn’t sound strange.

Dick: Yes but then a year later on September 11 terorists fly their airplanes their flying into the twin towers and pentagon and al queda and Osama ben laden are behind it and only you can fix it by going back to the future and fix it so it doesn’t happen and save all those peoples lifes!

Me: So what do I do?

Dick: Fly your fighter plane threw a worm hole to go back to the future and stop those planes before they hit there targets!

Me: Okay.

So me and Dick build a worm hole out of wood and hammers and carry it to the top of a mountain. Then I get in my flight gear and helmet and climb into my fighter plane and set my ristwatch to september 11 2000

Dick: (hopping up and down, waving his hands) Yay Geroge you can do it!

Me: I know. What a dork.

I fly through the worm hole at super sonic speed leeving a trail of fire in the air behind me.

September 11 2000

I am flying right behind the two airplanes that are on there way to run into the two towers. I can see the scared people in the windows screeming for help and I give them the thumbs up which calms them down. I think about shooting the plane down with my missles but decide not to because then the pasengers wood get hurt so I don’t. Instead I fly up over the air plane’s c*%@ pit and turn my fighter upside down so the glass of my c#&@ pit is right against there’s like in Top Gun.

Terrorist: (looking up scared) Oh no! Its George Bush!

I give the terrorist the finger like in Top Gun and wait until I am flying over a lake so that my plane wont crash into some body’s house or a carnival or something. Then I punch my fist through the glass of both c!%@ pits and pull myself through the hole and into there plane. A stewardess is on the floor with her hands tyed and her mouth taped.

Stewardess: Its George Bush he’ll save us!

Terorist #1: No he won’t!

Me: Yes I will. Bring it on!

I get in my karate stanse and curl my finger at the terorists as if to say lets see what you’ve got? Then as the first terorist trys to pull out a box knife I kick his hand upwards so he stabs himself in the eye and starts bleeding like a baby and screeming like a stuck pig.

Terorist #1: AAAAAGH!

Then the second terorist trys to pull out a gun but I kick it out of his hand and punch him in the face over and over as he cries like a girl until he dies. Then I take control of the plane and everyone on board cheers.

Everyone on board: Yeah.

But we weren’t out of the forest yet.

Stewardess: Oh Mr. Bush thank you but we have another problem which is that the pilots and every one on bored who can fly this plane are dead because the terorists poisoned the fish they had for dinner! Can you fly and land this plane?

Me: I have only been trained on fighter planes. Its an entirely different kind of flying… all together.

Everyone on board: Its an entirely different kind of flying.

Me: But I’m sure I can do it.

I take the controls and fly to the airport.

Stewardess: So what would you like for dinner? We have a choice between fish and stake?

Me: All things considered, I think I’ll have the stake!

Everyone on board: HAHAHA!

Soon I land the plane and everyone cheers.

Everyone: Yeah.

THE END