Town to Host Race Riot

Oxford, Mississippi will host a race riot this weekend to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the civil unrest that followed the matriculation of African American James Meredith into the University of Mississippi in October 1962.

The riot, which will feature both looting and pillaging as well as general mayhem, will also offer the opportunity for members of different ethnicities, religions and sexual orientations to come together and beat the crap out of one another.

"Everyone is welcome. Whites, beaners, spooks, gooks, dagos, whatever. Bring it," said Oxford Mayor Caleb Garrett.

Garrett went on to express his confidence that the whites would retain the title they won 50 years ago: "The blacks are always tough, the Mexicans have grown in numbers, and the slopeheads have all that wing chang chong kung fu stuff, but the whites will always rule. For always and always, and ever and ever. So there."

Languishing under a prolonged economic downturn, city officials are hopeful that thousands of people of all races will make the trip to Oxford and tear the town apart.

Remarked Lafayette County Chamber of Commerce President Logan Hinshaw, "This riot will not only serve to relieve racial tension, but will allow the owners of all the businesses tanking on main street to collect some hefty insurance payouts once our once fine town burns to the ground."