Whites Rated Top Race in World by International Racist Institute

White people around the globe can celebrate today after once again being named the top race in the world by the International Racist Institute of Greenville, South Carolina.

Scoring high in intelligence, appearance and goodness, the IRI's report confirmed the white race's #1 standing for the 217th consecutive year since releasing its inaugural study in 1798.

"In addition to being the smartest and most attractive people in the world, white people continue to devote themselves to the attempted betterment of other races - such as the blacks and the camel jockeys - despite the apparent futility of such endeavors," the report indicated.

The study showed whites rating extremely high in several lesser categories as well, such as speech and smell.

"White people speak correctly, unlike Orientals, who talk funny, and exude a normal odor, unlike Mexicans and the Jews, who stink," read the report.

Perhaps surprisingly, climbing five spots since the March opening of a new Indian buffet in downtown Greenville, "dot heads" claimed the world's #2 ranking for 2015.

"For ten dollars, it's a great deal," IRI President Chase Myers remarked. "I love the garlic naan bread, and they have a delicious rice pudding for dessert."