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America's Racist Community Demands Civil Rights

When former research assistant Glenn Gardner of Augusta, Wisconsin was fired for hanging an effigy of Martin Luther King from an African American colleague's computer monitor, he filed a lawsuit saying he had been discriminated against for being racist. Wisconsin civil rights laws do not cover racist people, but a growing movement within America's bigoted population may change that.

"There are a lot of racist people living in the closet because they are frightened of being discriminated against based on their belief that others should be discriminated against based on the color of their skin or sexual orientation," remarked American Racist Society spokesman Jim Davis.

Continued Davis: "These folks are looking at the gay civil rights movement, for example, and saying, 'How come these fags are allowed to kiss in public but I can't kick their heads in for it?'"

Helping to advance the so-called final frontier of civil rights, Nevada cattle rancher Cliven Bundy and Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling recently came out as racists, arguing that black people have turned to crime for a lack of cotton-picking skills, and that Chris Paul would be homeless if not for Sterling's generous nature.

"This is a First Amendment issue, plain and simple," proclaimed racist attorney David Glover, "If a business owner prefers to call a black employee by a nickname like 'boy' or 'nigger', that's his constitutional right - just as it would be to not hire a black in the first place, or a smelly Indian."

Estimates drawn from surveys suggest that nearly half of the American population, including minorities, is racist.

Remarked Glover: "All we ask from society is equal treatment under the law - the same it gives any common retard."

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