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Sceintists Eradicate Rubella, Bring Back Spanish Flu
The World Health Organization formally announced the eradication of Rubella today, a death knell to a virus that has taken several human lives throughout the ages.
Attributing their success to extensive vaccine campaigns and other preventative measures taken around the globe in recent decades, scientists around the world were taking a victory lap this morning.
"It is with great pride that I announce the complete and permanent eradication of the Rubella virus," WHO spokesman Solomon Brazdeikas declared. "No longer shall mankind have to fear this annoying scourge."
Later, in a followup press conference, WHO officials revealed that they would be resurrecting the Spanish Influenza virus, a contagion responsible for killing an estimated 100 million people during the early 20th century.
"The world is currently suffering an epidemic of overpopulation, and that must be addressed," Brazdeikas remarked. "A culling of the herd is just what the doctor ordered, and Spanish Flu has probably the best resume for the job."
Although Brazdeikas declined to say specifically when Spanish Influenza would be reintroduced to the planet, he did say that they would, "Likely start somewhere in Africa or Cambodia or some place like that and see how it goes."
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