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US Supreme Court to be Re-Named ‘Pizza Hut Meat Lovers Supreme Court Brought To You By Pepsi Cola’
The United States Supreme Court, the chief authority of the judicial branch and the highest court in the nation, will be known as the “Pizza Hut Meat Lovers Supreme Court Brought To You By Pepsi-Cola” for at least the next ten years. The name change was announced yesterday after the court determined that the sale of its own naming rights through the year 2015 to YUM! Brands and for $50 million was not unconstitutional by a 9-0 decision.
According to official reports, increased operational costs and a rising federal deficit made the lucrative deal with the Pepsi Co. restaurant chain subsidiary imperative to keeping the court viable in the long term.
President Bush stated in response to the decision, “Times have been tough. We’re just coming out of a rough economic patch, and we need to look for new and creative ways to fund the things in government we enjoy having and would like to keep around. Furthermore, this policy will help increase the average American’s Pizza Hut pizza purchasing budget by relieving their tax burden.”
Reportedly, all nine Pizza Hut Meat Lovers Supreme Court judges will be entitled to free Pizza Hut pizza for life per the provisions of the contract, but will also be required to film one commercial every year for the franchise chain.
“I deem this pizza to be delicious!” proclaimed Chief Justice John Roberts as he banged his gavel repeatedly with one hand while holding a steaming slice of Pizza Hut pizza in the other in a recent television ad.
Yum! Brands, whose ownership portfolio also includes the restaurant chains KFC and Taco Bell, decided in favor of the Pizza Hut moniker over the alternatives: “Colonel Sander’s Supreme Court” and “Taco Bell Taco Supreme Court”, indicating that it, “Just seemed to flow better."
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