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Poisoned Water Supply Creates Gray Area in Syria

The United States and its allies are threatening new strikes against Syria after the deaths of over two dozen civilians were linked to a poisoned supply of water in Douma Friday.

Pointing to evidence that the water was deliberately contaminated with botulinum toxin by the Syrian government, the US claims the act constitutes a clear transgression of the allies ultimatum against chemical weapons - an assessment the Assad regime emphatically denies.

"They say we can't use chemical gas, we don't use chemical gas. Botulism is a bacteria. It's all natural," Syrian Arab Army Commander Abdullah al-Atassi argued. "These rules are very confusing."

Seeking to clarify, Deputy Secretary of Defense Patrick Shanahan recapitulated the rules of engagement as they will be enforced between the Syrian military and their own people.

"You can blow them up with bombs or shoot them with bullets or run them over with tanks, but you can't gas them, and you can't poison their food or water," Shanahan explained.

In response, al-Atassi reportedly inquired regarding a campaign of distributing blankets innoculated with a weaponized strain of the influenza virus throughout towns still harboring rebel resistance, a tactic the US once employed against its own native population.

"Absolutely not," Shanahan said. "And that was different."

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