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Texas First State to Re-Open to Mass Shooters

Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced yesterday that he has authorized the state's fourth phase of re-opening during the Coronavirus pandemic, allowing mass shooters to resume operating at full capacity.

Though both Georgia and Florida had already eased their own complete bans to permit shooters to operate at 50% of their usual kill totals, the Lone Star State is the first to re-instate the tacit consent of unfettered gunning down of civilians as they try to go about their daily lives.

"It's time to get back to normal, and like it or not, these days that includes mass shootings," Abbott remarked.

Despite a recent report showing that the dramatic decline in mass shooting deaths over the past five months nearly compensates for the number of lives lost to COVID-19, Abbott defended the privilege of those who might misuse their 2nd Amendment rights to not be penalized until they do so.

"It might not really make sense, but it is what it is," Abbott said.

The fourth phase of re-opening also further relaxes restrictions on restaurants as well as schools, giving gunmen more targets to shoot at.

"Mass shootings are generally a once in a lifetime type of deal. I understand that you wouldn't want to waste it on a shopping center that's half empty," Abbott said.

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