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Handsome, Articulate New President Suggests Donald Trump All a Bad Dream

The man who took the podium at a White House press conference this morning is continuing to claim that he, not Donald Trump, is the President of the United States.

"I'm the President, so let's stop this foolishness and get back to business," the man, handsome and well-spoken, responded to repeated questions from reporters asking where Donald Trump was.

"Honestly, I've never heard of the fellow. If I may now resume my summary of the ongoing trade negotiations with China," said the man, who identified himself as Chip Shephard.

"Chip Shephard? Remember? Your President?" Shephard chuckled genially before commencing to outline a compromise on healthcare reform that many would later agree may very well gain bipartisan support.

"I think President Shephard is doing a terrific job. His decision today to reinforce America's military support of Kurdish forces in Northern Syria is but one example of his clarity and competence of vision," Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell remarked.

Added McConnell: "I would also concur with the President that any notion of his not being President are merely the product of a bad dream."

Meanwhile, after a two-hour closed-door huddle during which no ranking member of the party was accessible to the press, Democrats appear to be willing to go along with Chip Shephard as POTUS.

"Sure, why not?" Nancy Pelosi said. "Let's do this."

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