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Trump Announces Own Death, Expects "Mussolini-Style" Funeral
In what some are calling a publicity stunt likely spurred by the attention John McCain's recent passing received, President Trump announced his own death on Twitter this morning.
"Terrible news. I'm dead now," Trump tweeted at 3:43 a.m. EST Wednesday - the first of several he would make regarding his own demise.
"The greatest President of all time (me) has passed away. Left-wing conspiracy? Well son find out!" he tweeted then before, posting again seconds later: "Good luck. YOU'LL NEED IT!!!" he wrote.
Going on to leave instructions for his funeral, one that would not include a notable Senator from Arizona, Trump described an elaborate week-long affair he said should be patterned after a certain Italian dictator.
"I've been told Mussolini had a terrific funeral. I would expect nothing less!" he declared. "And John McCain isn't invited!"
"This will be a military parade like no one has ever seen!" Trump continued. "With tanks and fighters and giant missiles with nuclear bombs going off and everything!"
The best part of his funeral though, according to the President, would be the eulogies he expects he would receive.
"Everyone will be so so sorry now that I'm gone!" he predicted. "Once the stock market tanks and the hole country falls apart everyone will cry and miss me and wish they weren't so mean to such a wonderful POTUS!!!"
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