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Trump Takes Children Hostage in Bid to End Mueller Probe

President Trump continues to refuse to cooperate with negotiators hours after taking 18 children hostage inside the Oval Office this morning.

According to a police spokesman, the President has yet to budge on his stance that neither he nor any of the kids - a group of finalists in this year's Young Einstein competition who were on an official tour of the White House at the time of their capture - will come out unless he is fully exonerated by the Mueller probe.

"Kids are very angry with the crimes being committed against their President! WITCH-HUNT ENDS NOW!!!" Trump remarked in a string of tweets that began shortly after he took the children. "Terrible damage to the justice system by Robert Mueller and his gang of Angry Dems! Kids are helping build barricades and booby traps for innocent POTUS!"

And then, disturbingly, just moments ago: "Kids are willing to make ultimate sacrifice! Don't Test us! DESK IS NOW INVINCIBLE FORT!!!" he tweeted.

Judging from Trump's increasingly erratic behavior and the screams for help emanating from his fortified chamber, officers say they are taking the unfolding situation very seriously.

"The president has clearly lost it," commented one member of the Secret Service. "I voted for the guy and its my job to protect him, but he's completely bananas."

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