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Latest Polls Show Support for Trump Reduced to Mostly Meth Heads

Showing marked declines in all major categories, President Trump's latest polling numbers reveal that support for his performance in the White House has shrunk to mostly just meth heads.

Since August 28th, a week after Trump's former campaign manager Paul Manafort was convicted of financial fraud and his former attorney Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to eight federal crimes, support for Trump has fallen a precipitous nine points among likely voters with the exception of people addicted to crystal methamphetamine, an average of the major indexes reveals.

"General approval for the President has slipped ten points among independents and even seven points among Republican voters, but has remained steady with meth heads," Gallup spokesman Bryce Rufkin reported.

A breakdown of the latest numbers actually indicate rising support from the meth community for the President in some areas.

"When asked whether they thought President Trump cared about people like them, 87% of meth heads agreed, an increase from the 84% registered by the last round of polls," Rufkin said. "Also, asked whether they approve of how Trump is handling foreign affairs, 15% of meth heads said that they did while 78% responded that they did not know, a positive 2-point swing from the 13/80 approval-to-ignorance registered in August."

Meanwhile, Trump reciprocated the admiration he has come to rely on from meth heads at an impromptu rally outside a Waffle House in Clarksdale, Arkansas this morning.

"Meth heads are tremendous people," the President proclaimed. "Nobody works harder than meth heads. I hired a meth head once to build a gazebo and he built an entire horse stable in just three hours."

 
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