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Man Identified Storming Capitol Promoted to Head Fuckstick
A man who recorded his participation in last week's attack on the Capitol building has since been promoted by the RV and boat dealership he works for in North Carolina.
Domenic Brooks, 52, formerly a salesman at Rod's Tote and Float RV and Boat Outlet in Durham, will now serve as Head Fuckstick of the same dealership after posting videos of himself taking part in the pro-Donald Trump insurrection, his boss Rod Towson confirmed.
"Dom made us real proud with that footage he made. Especially the part where he urinated on Chuck Schumer's desk. And when he rubbed his balls on that statue of Theodore Roosevelt. That was hilarious," Towson remarked.
"Dom showed me that he really gets it with those videos. That he's management material," Towson went on. "Here at Rod's, if a customer doesn't want to buy, we train our sales staff to whine and bitch until they do. Maybe slap them around a little, you know. Whatever we gotta do to get your way."
Brooks, who was also named Asshole of the Month at Rod's, has reportedly already offered some fresh ideas.
"Like maybe we take things a little further," he said. "Maybe we start following people home from the lot so we can harass their family. Break their windows and slash their tires. Threaten to kill their pets. Stuff like that."
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