World's Religious Followers Becoming Increasingly Fed Up With God’s Bullshit

Tired of the seemingly unrelenting barrage of warfare, starvation and natural disaster, Muslims, Christians and Jews from Kandahar to Kentucky are losing patience with God’s constant bullshit – leading many to re-evaluate their relationships with their so-called ‘saviors’.

In the United States’ Southeast, where six major hurricanes and their deadly tornado offspring have killed thousands and left many thousands more homeless and destitute in the past year, a large fraction of its predominately Christian population have begun turning against their God in unprecedented numbers.

“Before, when some horrible calamity would befall me and my family I would always overlook God’s hand in creating the situation,” remarked 56 year-old Mississippi man who has lost three houses, two wives and one child to hurricanes in his life, “I’d even praise him later for sparing me some worse misfortune, as if he wasn’t somehow responsible for the 120 mph wind that drove a metal street sign straight through the chest of the woman I loved but was to thank for looking out for me so that I might survive to experience the misery of my loss. Well, no more. My days being the Lord’s punching bag are over! God can kiss my fat white ass!”

Thousands of miles away on the African continent, millions of people maligned by the suffering of civil war, famine, genocide and the murderous plague of AIDS in countries like Sudan and Uganda are echoing the disdain of God emanating anew from America’s Gulf Coast.

Seethed a Ugandan teenage girl: “God sent murderous hordes to burn my house to the ground, butcher my family and kidnap me as a sex slave for many years. He is a swine beast that consumes his own excrement. I wish he would show his pig face in my refugee camp so that I could throw rocks at his genitals.”

Likewise, God’s popularity is in steep decline amongst the inhabitants of the coastal regions of countries devastated by this year’s killer tsunami.

“I used to pray to God. Pray and pray and pray. I would say God is great, God is number one! But God is not great. God is not number one. God isn’t even number one hundred. He is the kind of guy who takes all your love and your heart and stomps all over it with a fifty-foot tidal wave then laughs in your face as you weep for those he slaughtered. Oh, how he laughed as I cried. Yeah, ha-ha, real funny,” spoke an Indonesian Muslim.

Meanwhile, the worldwide backlash against God has drawn the contempt of the devoutly loyal who feel their apostasy will only provoke more wrath.

Appealed Janice Ferguson, a preacher’s wife from Savannah, Georgia, “God’s obviously mad over something we’ve done, or something the gays have done and we’ve tolerated, and these people are only going to make things worse. If anything, all this turmoil is a sign that we must pray more in order to pacify Him.”

Ferguson added: “Their hardship is no justification for infidelity – after all, God put it in the mind of a writer for the Young and the Restless to have the undead wife of my favorite soap star Dr. Josh Landers shoot him to death in 1998, but you don’t hear me complaining about it.”