Israel Declares War on Poverty

Israel declared war on poverty this week by bombing Gaza City, one of the poorest cities in the world.

Targeting decrepit residential neighborhoods and high-traffic areas within the impoverished city, Israeli air and missile strikes have reduced the world's poor by over 200 since Friday.

The poor living within the targeted areas have reportedly responded to the strikes with mild surprise and muffled groans.

"Poverty is a scourge of humanity and must be crushed wherever it breeds. The nation of Israel here and now declares unconditional war on this plague," said Israeli Foreign Minister Uzi Orbach.

According to those on the ground in Gaza, the strikes have left the city more organized and more inhabitable for the survivors, transforming cold piles of rubble into cratered piles of flaming rubble capable of providing shelter and temporary sources of fire for heat.

The Israeli government also announced today that they have deployed a destroyer to the Bay of Bengal off the coast of Bangladesh, and plan to commence carpet bombing Somalia by the end of next week.