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Study: Bullying Restrictions Promoting Dork, Fuckwad Overpopulation

A new study shows that recently imposed restrictions on bullying are promoting a dangerous overpopulation of dorks and fuckwads in the United States.

Produced by the American Institute of Sociology, the study reveals that dork and fuckwad numbers have nearly doubled in the US since 2000, and links the trend to the suppression of social normalization behaviors of the nation's youth.

"Polls show that most Americans are in favor of curbing the practice of bullying, but these people might not realize that intervening against the natural interpersonal dynamics of our children is severely undermining the future coolness of the country," remarked ASI Dr. Alex Mandelbaum.

"By stifling our bullies, we're telling our dorks and dicktards it's ok to be geeks and douchewads. That it's ok to camp outside of Game Stop for five days to buy Dragon Quest 9 and darken their parents' basement masturbating to My Little Pony until they're 40," said Mandelbaum.

Even worse, Mandelbaum says, data indicates that dorks and fuckwads have begun to interbreed.

"Reduced social pressure has engendered an environment where dorks and fuckwads are not only killing themselves less, but are becoming self-confident enough to establish sexual relationships with members of the opposite sex. Dorks and buttmunches are reproducing with doofuses, clutzes and dweebs, opening a pandora's box that could beget entirely new races of weirdos that could soon overrun the country with their freakazoid spawn."

 
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