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Soaring Gingerbread House Prices Leaving Many Gummy Bear Families Out in Cold
With gingerbread housing costs continuing to soar, many gummy bear families are finding it difficult to keep a frosted roof over their heads this holiday season.
"It's extra sad, because it's supposed to be the happiest time of year," 7-year-old Riley Cooper lamented over her own row of unaffordable, mostly empty gingerbread houses.
"My gummy bears work super hard at the candy cane factory, but they can't even ford their rent," Cooper said. "Just now, Cupcake, Sunshine and Theodore were thrown out into the cold by their fat, mean landlord Mr. Fudgybottom after he doubled the amount of Hershey Kisses he wanted."
Currently living in a trailer in her uncle's backyard, the story of Cooper's gummy bear family reflects her own.
"My Dad says Mr. Fudgybottom wants all the blue-collar gummy bears out so he can gentle fry the neighborhood," Cooper said. "He says Mr. Fudgybottom would rather keep his gingerbread houses empty than rent them for a fair price because he's a greedy scumfucker."
As of press time, Mr. Fudgybottom has reportedly died after being decapitated in a tragic sleigh accident.
"His stupid, ugly head tore off and I ate it," Cooper reported. "It was delicious."
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