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Fox to Launch Fox Kids News Channel for Pedophiles

21st Century Fox has announced plans to launch a new Fox Kids News Channel that will cater to pedophiles.

Slated to debut in November, the new basic cable channel will cover breaking news and current events as reported on by attractive children between the ages of 6 and 12, the company's executives say.

"We at Fox News appreciate the diversity of our audience and wish to deliver programming that accomodates a wide range of tastes - from heterosexual men to men who might prefer getting their news from an 8 year-old boy in his underpants," Fox News Marketing Director Gary Zizak remarked.

Appearing on Fox and Friends to promote the new channel dressed in a mini-skirt and purple cotton panties, 9 year-old anchorwoman Misty Meadows emphasized the hard-hitting approach she says Fox Kids News will adopt from its premiere.

"Like this story about the factory fire in China?" Meadows said between licks of a lollipop. "It totally reminds you of what a complete disaster Obamacare has been?"

Meanwhile, 7 year-old pundit Suzie Storms says she is "super-psyched" about her new job with the new channel.

"I think it'll be super fun," Storms said. "I'm doing a lot of jump ropes so I can be skinny for my show, and also because it's important to stay healthy since Obamacare sucks so bad."

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