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Trump Adds Mescaline to Daily Drug Regimen, Questions Reporter's Existence

President Trump once again got into a confrontation with a reporter during a White House press briefing this morning, this time questioning CBS News' Wanda Scifres existence.

Trump, who has reportedly added the psychedelic compound mescaline to his daily regimen of drugs meant to ward off the Coronavirus, called Scifres a "hologram".

"You know you're a hologram, right? You don't even exist," Trump lectured Scifres after she asked him about a recent CDC report that called into question the nation's disjointed COVID-19 testing program.

"You're not even really here. You get that, right?" Trump inquired of Scifres. "I mean, you get that, right? All of this is just an illusion," he said then with a sweep of his arm over the White House's North Lawn, apparently to indicate the entire universe.

Trump continued: "I get it. You don't get it, but I get it. People don't understand that there are actually many, many dimensions out there. That's what I call them, anyway - dimensions. There are many - dozens, possibly - of these wonderful, wonderful dimensions you couldn't even imagine all clustered and tangled like a pretzel of rainbows, and they're actually quite beautiful, to be honest."

Later in the press conference, Trump spent nearly two minutes staring at a chrysanthemum bush and mumbling something about bubbles before stomping back into the White House, claiming that, "These people just don't get it."

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