Orlando Polling Places Relocated To City Dump

Voters residing within the boundaries of the former Florida state election precincts 22 through 29 in downtown Orlando, since consolidated to form Florida state precinct 25A, were informed this week that their polling place for the upcoming federal election November 4th has been relocated from the basement of the old Youngston's Textile Building on 5th Avenue to the Rumpke Landfill just north of the city.

According to state officials, the decision to move the polling place to the garbage dump was made after community leaders of the predominately black section of the city objected to the use of the Youngston Building, which is reportedly believed to be haunted by the souls of dozens of factory workers who perished in a blaze there in 1921.

The concession has done little to appease restive constituents, however.

"(Governor) Charlie Crist and the other Republicans who run this state don't want black people to vote because they know we ain't voting for them," spoke Valerie Baker, of east Orlando, "I had to wait in line for seven hours to vote in 2004 because they only had three voting machines in the place, and now they want me to go to the dump or some haunted house to vote? Fuck that shit. All them rich old crackers down in Boca Raton don't have to hang around a bunch of damn ghosts to cast their ballot, so neither should I."

Meanwhile, the Secretary of State's Office and the Orange County Board of Elections contend that any conspiracy theories spawned by the relocation of the polling places are completely baseless, and that they remain committed to accomodating the needs of each and every one of their state's voters regardless of race, party affiliation or socioeconomic background.

Commented Crist's Chief of Staff Eric Eikenberg: "These assertions are completely without merit. We had no foreknowledge of the original building being supposedly haunted, and although the landfill is admittedly not the most scenic of polling places, it was the most suitable location that could be found on short notice."

Eikenberg went on to argue against the alleged shortage of voting machines in the previous federal election, claiming the number provided was in line with a demand assessment derived from the election in 2002, in which less than 5% of eligible precinct 25A voters bothered to cast their ballot in the lion exhibit at the city zoo.