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Hundreds Flock to View Image of Jesus in Vomit Puddle
Hundreds of faithful Christians have lined up around the block of a bar in Long Beach, California to pray before an image in a puddle of vomit they believe represents Jesus Christ.
The image in question was first noticed by its "vessel" Jeremy Baskin after emerging from the back entrance of the Stumble Inn and throwing up near the side of the building.
"I'd gotten pretty sloshed with a couple of buddies of mine when the next thing I knew I was stumbling out the back door and totally spewing all over the place. I tried to get most of it in the storm drain, but I'd had Taco Bell earlier and drank probably two pitchers of beer and three shots of Jagermeister, so there was a shitload," recounted Baskin.
Baskin continued, "Anyway, as I was leaning against the wall clearing my sinuses of partially digested nachos and beer, I looked down and was like, 'shit man, my puke looks kinda like Jesus.'"
Shortly after alerting his friends of his discovery and dissuading them from urinating on the Savior's face, a small crowd of curious on-lookers began to form that has since bourgeoned into the hundreds as word spread and believers began to flock to the site.
"I'm skeptical of such things. Until I see with my own eyes I don't believe," commented one woman who came to see what is being touted as a divine miracle, "But when I saw the puddle, I knew. An incredible calm came over me as I looked at Jesus in the barf on the ground."
Reportedly, some pilgrims have travelled long distances to see the face of Christ - as far as 2,500 miles in one case of a man hoping the puddle of vomit might heal his terminal cancer.
"I have cancer in my pancreas, so I came to Jesus for healing. I didn't want to be disrespectful of Him, so I picked a piece of the vomit that wasn't part of his face to eat, and today I feel much better," said Javier Nesco of Miami, Florida.
Unfortunately all those who've come haven't been quite so considerate, as Jesus's nose and part of his beard were damaged this morning when a man smeared part of Christ's likeness onto his head in an attempt to cure his male pattern baldness.
Those interested in seeing what's left of the image of Christ in the puddle of vomit can visit the alley behind the Stumble Inn at 1560 4th Street in Long Beach. However, parties should be advised that there is a 70% chance of rain Saturday.
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