Ukranian Rebels Deny Not Shooting Down Private Jet of Dan Bilzerian

Ukrainian rebels have denied not shooting down a private jet carrying millionaire playboy Dan Bilzerian.

The denial comes just hours after a spokesman for the same separatist group denied having shot down the plane.

"We first denied shooting it down in case it was another plane full of innocent people, but honestly, yes, we shot down the plane," stated separatist leader Alexander Khodkhovsky.

Not so, says Ukraine's Interior Minister Anton Gerashenko, who claims the Ukranian Army was in fact responsible for downing the aircraft.

"The rebels claims are not credible. Evidence will show that Ukranian Armed Forces caused the destruction of this plane," Gerashenko said.

Data released by Interfax shows that the jet was 50 miles southwest of any known separatist forces en route to Lithuania when it was brought down by a surface-to-air missile, resulting in the deaths of all of its seven passengers worth an estimated $75 billion, depriving hundreds of Lithuanian women the opportunity to give them oral sex.

Commented US Joint Chiefs of Staff spokesman Butch Armstrong: "Preliminary data does support the Ukranian assertions that their military shot down this plane - with an American-made missile, I might add."

Reports of people scavenging the crash-site for valuables or possibly fragments of their daughters' dignity have yet to be confirmed.