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Gay Soldier Makes Tiaras from Human Teeth

Five days after a federal court decision struck down the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, Army Sergeant Michael Hicks revealed that he is gay, and has created several stunning tiaras made entirely of human teeth.

Hicks, who has served one tour of duty in Iraq and two in Afghanistan, says he fashioned the headdresses from molars, bicuspids and incisors he pried from the mouths of dead bodies in both wars over the past three years.

The tiaras, which have been made available for sale online, are fetching as much as $2,000.

"They were mostly my own kills, but if I happened to come across some nice teeth just lying around, I wouldn't be too proud to not put them to use," said Hicks.

Hicks, who has also fabricated figurines of Ethel Merman and Jake Gyllenhaal from human spleens and hair during his time serving abroad, is already being touted by some gay organizations as representative proof that homosexual soldiers are as fierce as straight members of the military.

"Not all gays are sissy-pants," remarked Russell Stinson of Out and Equal, "Many of us have the same thirst for blood as straight men, and deserve the opportunity to kill for America. Please America, let us kill for you."

Despite the ongoing fight over the eligibility of openly gay individuals to serve in the military, Sgt. Hicks says he is hopeful he will be re-deployed to Afghanistan in December, where he plans to start working on a blouse made entirely of human ears.    

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