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Angry Immune System Attacks Stupid Brain
Angered by years of imprudent, reckless decisions, a man's immune system launched an assault on his brain this week after he contracted COVID-19 at a bowling alley.
"Honestly, he's had it coming," remarked one leukocyte who remarked that he was 'only too happy' to have received the tumor necrosis factor signal from a nearby mastocyte that triggered it to start producing the inflammatory cytokines that would attack the man's cerebral cortex.
"Seriously, fuck this guy," said the leukocyte. "I mean, who goes to a bowling alley in the middle of a Coronavirus pandemic?"
Countering the argument against the fact that he wasn't the only one at the bowling alley and that it hadn't been shut down by other people who also have brains and the power to do so, the leukocyte became increasingly annoyed.
"He wasn't the only one there. Exactly. Just like he wasn't the only one at his cousin's big, dumb barbeques this Summer. Or at church on Sundays. Or down at the Tipsy Turtle slurping beers most Tuesday nights," it fumed. "If his friends all went and jumped off a bridge, would he do that too?"
Continued the leukocyte: "And it's not like this is anything new. Here's a guy who's had chlamydia twice and gonorrhea three times. Three times. Probably, we can't do much harm."
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