Celebrity Photos Prove Radiation Has Reached California

While Japan scrambles to rein in the nuclear crisis emanating from an earthquake-damaged power plant in Fukushima, evidence that extremely harmful levels of radiation have made their way to California continue to mount.

Belying official assurances that only trace amounts would reach the west coast, horrifying images of the catastrophic effects radiation has already had on the faces of some of Hollywood's biggest stars have begun to surface.

UCLA Director of Pathology Robert Becker pointed to recent images of Victoria Beckham, Pamela Anderson, Nicholas Cage and many others as showing clear signs of radiation poisoning.

"Comparing photos of Mrs. Beckham with those of victims of Hiroshima and the Chernobyl disaster reveals that the former Spice Girl has been disfigured by the same kind of ionizing radiation that is released by the meltdown of a nuclear reactor or the detonation of an atomic bomb," Becker said.

Becker pointed to Beckham's taut, discolored skin, inflamed lips, engorged mammary glands, hermaphroditism, and the perpetually surprised expression of someone who's witnessed a nuclear explosion.

Physiologist Susan Chiang described in disturbing detail the progression of symptoms Beckham will likely face over the next weeks and months.

"Victoria Beckham will continue to mutate, growing to five to ten times her normal size while developing wings, a rigid exoskeleton, projecting forward mouthparts and two additional limbs that she will utilize to roll excrement into balls for food storage or as a bed to mate with herself," said Chiang.