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Real Life Comes to Sudden, Poorly Resolved End
CHICAGO, IL. - The real life of Aubrey Burkhart came to a sudden and poorly resolved end last night when the 25 year-old was hit by a bus.
"Ms. Burkhart was attempting to cross North Michigan Avenue downtown at approximately 9:30 p.m. when she was struck and killed by a CTA bus. That's pretty much it," summarized Chicago Transit Authority spokesman Sean Diemers.
Friends and followers of Burkhart's expressed their disbelief over her abrupt passing, calling it 'lame'.
"So Aubrey's walking along one day and, whamo! She just gets flattened by a bus? That's pretty lame," remarked Burkhart's friend Laura Sanders, "I mean, what about her rekindled romance with Matt? Or her dream of becoming an interior decorator?"
Complained Burkhart's ex-roommate Alyssa: "Aubrey had a lot of issues with her father that I for one think should have been resolved. That, and she owed me two hundred dollars."
Critics have also found fault with the means of Burkhart's demise.
"Hit by a bus? Please," Sanders said, "What's the first thing anyone thinks of when they're thinking of ways someone might die suddenly? That's right, hit by a bus. Who writes this shit?"
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