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Sun Takes Massive Shit
The sun took a massive shit today, unleashing a galactical ass-shower of fire into outer space that's headed our way and bound to fuck up our shit, NASA reports.
The giant flaming turd storm occurred at 1:45 Eastern Time when the sun apparently spread its butt cheeks and let all hell break loose with an ungodly load of magnetic ass plasma that pretty much broke the meter as far as explosive solar diarrhea shits go.
"That was a big one. What the fuck did that star eat?" wondered NASA scientist Alan Griffin, "I mean, Jesus Christ."
Griffin went on to compare the soupy, molten dump the sun took with the kinds he takes after eating Indian food.
"I don't know what it is, but I eat Indian and I'll be spraying tandoori chocolate sauce until the cows come home. Seriously, there's something they put in that shit that does not agree with me," Griffin explained, adding: "Funny thing though, if I eat at as leftovers I'm fine. Weird."
Scientists confirmed that the enormous volume of hot dookie chunks currently floating our way will be enough to disrupt power grids and communications on Earth.
"Oh yeah, we're gonna get splattered good," remarked Caltech astronomer Peter Boyd, "Failing somebody inventing a giant space umbrella in the next few hours to stop this shit, don't count on watching Storage Wars tonight."
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