Home World National Opinion Local Entertainment Home And Garden Advice Farts And Giggles  

                Links Advertise Contact

Trump Lawyers Argue for Counting Philadelphia Ballots as 3/5s Vote

WILLIAMSPORT, PA - Donald Trump's legal team adopted a new tack today, arguing in a federal court that ballots from Philadelphia be counted as 3/5s of a vote.

Appearing before the same judge who rebuffed his attempt to scrap as many as 700,000 votes from the Keystone State's tallies last week, Rudy Giuliani cited an 18th century law to justify his claim.

"It would seem from precedent that the demographic who are the majority in Philadelphia, that these people have historically been counted as 3/5s," Giuliani preambled. "So, yeah."

A reference to the 3/5s Compromise of 1787 that assigned a value of 3/5s of a person to black slaves for representative purposes in Congress, Giuliani's bid was summarily rejected by US District Judge Matthew Brann, who called it "ignorant" and "shameful".

"The law you so ignorantly and shamefully cite is not only absurdly racist, but no longer law as it was repealed by the 14th Amendment of the Constitution over 150 years ago," Brann upbraided the Trump team in his ultimate denial of the motion - triggering a mild outburst from Giuliani.

"Oh, man," Giuliani reportedly groused. "Come on."

His latest defeat notwithstanding, Giuliani appeared defiant during a press conference held later outside a Ritz Cracker Factory in Marston.

"This election is far from over," he proclaimed before being drowned out by a truck backing into a receiving bay.

Read More

    Family Down to Their Last 3 Pallets of Toilet Paper

    Chicago Bears Declare Themselves MNF Victors Despite Scoring Less Points