Canada, European Nations Preparing Welcome Wagon for Millions of Disgruntled American Voters
As the historic election between Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain draws nearer, the citizens of developed western countries around the world are preparing to welcome the millions of Americans who choose to emigrate from the United States out of disgust over the result.
"A hotly contested race between the nation's first viable black candidate and a man seen as a figure poised to perpetuate the policies of the Bush administration is bound to create a record number of Americans so disgruntled by the outcome that they will seek to relocate to Canada," remarked Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, "Which is fantastic, because we love Americans."
Likewise, nations across Europe are anxiously anticipating rolling out the red carpet for the hundreds of thousands of Americans they expect to seek permanent asylum in their countries in the weeks and months following November 4th.
"The idea that too many people from the United States could come to live in France is absurd," French President Nicolas Sarkozy declared, "Republican or Democrat, fat, stupid, racist or criminally insane - it makes no difference. We'll gladly take them all."
Conscious of the designs other nations are employing to lure disillusioned American voters to their countries, Sarkozy proceeded to enumerate the benefits of living in France.
"In France, Americans can have any job they want, live wherever they want. If one wants to be President and live in my house in Andorra or take over my apartment on the Seine and fuck my wife every night, my only regret is that I have but one job and one wife for them to screw."
Meanwhile, eager to attract her nation's own share of American expatriates, Dutch Queen Beatrix went out of her way to dispel the notion that a language barrier would be an issue for any Americans who might consider Holland as a post-election home.
"There is no need for you to learn our language," she said, "Those of us who haven't already will learn yours. Dutch is a dumb language anyway."
Added Beatrix: "Please, just come."
