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Ask Dr. Shill - Corporate Dream Analyst

Dear Dr. Shill,
I’ve been having this strange recurring dream lately.  In it, I’m sitting alone in an apartment I used to share with my ex-boyfriend when my heart just sort of hops out of my chest and lands on the floor. Curiously, this doesn’t harm me physically; rather, I find it quite enthralling and sit staring at it for some time.  Then suddenly it sprouts a pair of small shoes, a cane grows out of one of its ventricles, and a hat appears on top of its head as if it were some little old man.  Then it doffs its hat, tucks its cane under its artery and walks right out the door!  After he leaves, an immense sadness overcomes me.  What do you make of this?
Amanda Love

Dear Amanda,
You certainly seem to have a case of the “blahs”.  The fact that in your dream you’re sitting alone in an empty apartment staring at the walls suggests that your subconscious need for quality in-house-entertainment is not being met. Luckily for you DirecTV now offers an even larger selection of exciting entertainment than before, at a price that certainly won’t give you nightmares.  Yes Amanda, your heart will never have reason to abandon you when it’s busy racing in your chest along with every electrifying NASCAR event of the year, or melting to the newest romantic drama as it premiers on one of the four premium movie channels DirecTV delivers - Dr. S


Dear Dr. Shill,
I’m a forty-two year old father of two, and I’ve been having the same unnerving dream (which is sometimes accompanied by a ‘nocturnal emission’) almost every night for the past year.  In it, I’m dressed like a beautiful lady and am sitting in a fancy restaurant with my nine year old son’s best friend Chad.  A violinist approaches and begins to play a bittersweet tune as we share a warm glance over red wine and ginger ale.  Then, the boy tosses the breadstick he’d been nibbling on over his shoulder, grabs me by both sides of my face and kisses me passionately on the lips.  Then, if I haven't yet woken up, he takes me to the fair where he wins me a stuffed turtle playing ring toss and gives me a handjob. Any helpful insight that you might have on this would be greatly appreciated.
Restless in Rhode Island

Dear Baffled,
Wow, that’s quite an elaborate dream you’ve been having.  I appreciate that it probably has caused you some degree of distress, and yes, I believe I can help.  Your dream is very multi-layered – not unlike the delicious 7-Layer Burrito from Taco Bell. This mouth watering delight takes seasoned rice, hearty beans, a blend of three cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella, crisp, shredded lettuce, diced ripe tomatoes, cool sour cream and chunky guacamole, and wraps it up in a warm, soft flour tortilla for a little slice of heaven.  Yes Restless in Rhode Island, the anguish you feel over your repressed homosexual pedophilic impulses will be no match for the sheer enjoyment that will be yours if you indulge yourself one of these tasty treats each and every day!
- Dr. S

Dear Dr. Shill,
I keep having dreams where I'm younger and fighting with my dad.  Sometimes it gets pretty ferocious. In one, we're in the middle of screaming at each other over who should scrape up this small dead animal from our driveway when suddenly I totally smash him over the head with a shovel. In another, he's a priest who's marrying me to my mom for some reason. He's completely drunk and keeps screwing up all the lines, so I start screaming at him and punch him in the stomach.  What can all this mean?
Ed E. Poss

Dear Ed,
I believe that the small dead creature in the driveway is a key symbol.   Such animals, i.e. lemmings, rats, etc., are known for their tendencies to relinquish individual power and succumb to mob mentality. In short, such an animal is representative of conformity. The fact that it is dead (probably squashed by a car), and has provoked an angry and violent response over which you ultimately prevail, I feel that this dream can be interpreted as a plea from your inner-self to promote your individuality by purchasing a new Mitsubishi Montero.  The fun yet practical Montero bucks tired trends and will fulfill your subconscious yearnings for self-expression by providing you an opportunity to create a one-of-a-kind statement that reflects who you are to the world - Dr.

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