Chelsea Clinton's Divorce to be Highly Public Affair

Unlike their nuptials less than two weeks ago, the divorce of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky is shaping up to be a highly public affair.

Three hours after Chelsea announced the split on her Twitter page with the laconic explanation, 'I dunno, I'm just not happy anymore :’(', a throng of bewildered neighbors, passerby and reporters witnessed the former first daughter pitching objects out a window of the couple's Manhattan apartment while shouting, "Here's all your shit!" at Mezvinsky, who was standing on the sidewalk below.

Onlookers report that a silent Mezvinsky kept his two middle fingers held aloft towards the window from which his possessions were being ejected, moving only to avoid suffering major head injury from falling stereo equipment that crashed onto the pavement near where he was standing.

During the interim, Mezvinsky responded to Chelsea's first Tweet with his own that read, 'Suck it' - to which Chelsea replied, 'Ha, Ha. You can suck it yourself from now on. We're through <;)' .

A flurry of Tweets followed in which both combatants decried flaws and indiscretions of the other - for instance, Chelsea griped that Marc is a 'slob', never replaces the toilet paper roll when it's empty, drinks too much soda, watches too much sports, is constantly mentioning his ex-girlfriend Beth, broke an $800 dollar bottle of wine given to them by her Aunt Beatrice, 'probably on purpose', slurps, snores, belches without excusing himself and listens to the television too loud while Marc complained that Chelsea is 'A crazy bitch'.

An anonymous source has confirmed that preliminary divorce proceedings have commenced between Clinton and Mezvinsky.

The swift dissolution of the Clinton-Mezvinsky union reportedly makes Ted Turner the winner of a reception wagering pool that will net the media mogul $1850 for betting the couple wouldn't last two weeks.