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Fun Tips: How to Spice Up Your Divorce
• Be creative! Claiming an interest in reviving your marriage, take your spouse on a second honeymoon to the same location you enjoyed your first. Then, on the first day, tell him or her you want a divorce. When they ask why you would do such a thing, tell them because you hate them.
• There's nothing more boring than an amicable divorce. Keep the years that follow the dissolution of your marriage interesting by actively trying to kill your ex, and invite them to do the same. Let the better shot win!
• Do something unexpected: Show up at your ex's workplace for lunch. If she refuses to come out of the building, stand in the parking lot and scream about what a whore she is.
• Ladies, ask your ex-hubby to help fulfill your secret home-invasion rape fantasy. Afterwards, call the police and charge him with actual rape.
• Leave post-its where your ex will find them around her home and office that contain romantic messages such as, "You're dead", and "I'm going to kill you".
• Share common interests: If your ex-wife enjoys yoga, join her yoga studio. If she likes jogging in the park, start jogging in the same park. If she sees you and runs away, chase her. It is great exercise and is also very exciting.
• Be spontaneous! Throw court-dictated schedules to the wind and pick your kids up from school on a day you don't have visitation. Take them somewhere fun, like Turkmenistan.
• Miss the good qualities your wife possessed (boobs, vagina) but not so much the constant nagging? Stick a blonde wig and Capri pants on a mail-order bride from the Philippines and call her Cheryl.
• When your ex leaves the house to go fuck her new boyfriend or spend your hard earned money on bullshit at the mall, let yourself in, super glue the seat into its upright position and pee all over the rim.
• Hire a hooker to recreate the romance and intimacy of your honeymoon. Afterwards, instead of returning home to commence the dizzying first days of a fledgling new life with a woman you love, put a rifle in your mouth and pull the trigger.
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