Y'all Can Suck Me
By: Tiger Woods’ Dick

What you lookin' at? You gotta problem? Huh? What, you think I got some splainin' to do? Yeah? Well, fuck you. I don't justify myself to nobody.  Fuck all dat. I fuck what I want, when I want, and if you don't like it, you can suck me.

Nigga' please.

I been hearin' a lot of contrite-ass shit coming from upstairs, but that aint me. That little bitch even had the nerve to sucker punch me in the balls the other day (while he was crying, by the way – the fag), but I don't recall hearin' Urkel complaining when I was exploring the center of Rachel Uchitel's skull.

That's right. I fucked her. I fucked that bitch, the other bitch, those other two bitches, and a bunch that never said shit. I'll fuck anything that moves! I tear em' up, boy. I murder 'em. I split those whores sideways, cuz that's how I roll. Poindexter swings those fruity clubs all day, and I swing at night. Small consolation for being trapped in a flaming pair of Dockers all day long, all sweaty an' shit.

Bitch.

Wah! "I let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart." Shiiit, that bitch-ass heart can regret whatever it wants, it don't have no say. Stick to pumpin' my boner fuel and shut the fuck up, heart. Damn.

I'm Tiger Woods cock! Bitches better recognize!

Whatever. Y'all just go ahead and stare. Go ahead and point. Y’all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to fuck who you wanna fuck. You need cocks like me. You need cocks like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's a bad cock. That cock should be ashamed." So...what's that make your cock? Good? Your cock aint good. Your cock just don't got no balls. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I got cannon balls. So say goodnight to the worst cock in the world! Come on. The last time you gonna see a cock this bad again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad cock. There's a bad cock comin' through! Betta get outta his way!

Fuckers.