Global Meditation Plot Backfires – George Bush Turns into Giant Chicken, Attacks Tokyo

The plot of an international consortium of millions of activists to turn George W. Bush into a chicken through mass global meditation under the precepts promoted by the study of quantum physics - which have suggested that the nature of the universe is a subjective product of our collective imaginations - backfired yesterday when the US President did indeed spontaneously transform into a chicken, albeit one the size of a brontasaurus with an appetite for death and destruction that has since gone on a rampage throughout Tokyo, Japan, leaving thousands dead and billions of dollars worth in damage.

 Reportedly, Bush was being received for a meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Junichero Koizumi at his official residence in Tokyo when the sudden morphological change occurred and, according to surviving witnesses, abruptly burst through the building's ceiling as a two hundred foot tall chicken before strutting away in a light flurry of huge white feathers, leaving dozens, including Koizumi, crushed dead from falling debris in his wake.

 The ten story chicken Bush - dubbed 'King Kluck' by the Japanese media - then descended upon downtown with the same cocky self assuredness he exhibited as a human to casually squash small fuel efficient cars with his giant taloned feet, peck out the windows of buildings, and gobble up at random citizens who were too slow in fleein 

One woman described her terrifying encounter with the transformed US President: "I heard a loud crash and turned to see the big chicken standing over a smashed electric train, pecking at the passengers.  Someone shouted 'Its George Bush, run for your life!' and people started to stampede.  Some were trampled. It was horrible. I don't think I'll ever be able to get the screams and clucking out of my head." 

Japanese efforts to subdue the rampaging President in a non-injurious fashion to avoid retaliation from the United States - who favor a hands-off course of letting him go until he wears himself out - remain ellusive as he has so far proven no match for giant nets, sleeping gas or giant gummi-worms soaked in anaesthetic.  A second concerted meditation campaign to turn him back to his original form has also failed.

Meanwhile, residents of Kyoto are being urged to evacuate after the President left Tokyo several hours ago and began half walking-half flying along a highway leading towards the city, stopping only periodically to lay enormous black, sulfurous eggs on the side of the road. Although the same highway also leads to several other large cities, officials believe Kyoto is certain to be the next target on account that it hosted the international summit on global warming in 1997, producing an accord limiting greenhouse gas emissions that bears its name.