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Scientists Warn Kellyanne Conway's Face Melting at an Accelerated Pace Congressional Republicans Introduce New 'NASCARE' Bill
Conservative Gals '79 is Fine' Counters Women's Movement
Gun Manufacturer Issues Massive Recall After Dozens Survive
Trump Signs Order Making English Official Language of World
Neil Young Quarantined After Musicians Declared Endangered
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Gitmo Prisoner One Butt Fucking Away from Revealing Key Intel
Scientists issued a new warning today that Kellyanne Conway's face is melting much faster than previously estimated. "Recent analysis shows that Mrs. Conway's face is in fact disintegrating at an accelerated pace, and will likely collapse completely by the year 2020 if significant efforts are not made to slow the process," remarked Dr. Norman Squeers of the Global Science Institute. Attributing the shockingly rapid deterioration of Conway's facial features to an excess of sun exposure and possible... (More)
9 Dead After Police Mistake White Shooters Yellow Gun for Banana
Charlotte Zoo Encouraging Patrons to Harass Gay Penguins

But I Don't Wanna Go Back to Work! - By: Dale Kuyack - I don't care if I miss the bus. I don't wanna go back to work. And you can't make me! Please don't make me. I'm old and sickly. And I don't wanna. All the other employees are going to be less than half my age, and they're going to laugh at me... (More)
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Take Your Huddled Masses and Shove 'Em - By: The Statue of Liberty - Take your tired and your poor, your huddled masses, yada, yada, yada, and shove 'em. Let them be poor and miserable somewhere else. Fuck off. Country's full. I know what my stupid plaque says. I don't care... (More)

Kochs Offset Gates Foundation with $550 Billion Donation to Evil

Love Thy Neighbor as Thy Love Thyself - Unless Thy Neighbor is a Fag - By: Jerry Wallingford - As commanded by the books of Moses and recorded in Mark 12:28-34, I believe that one should love thy neighbor as thy love thyself, unless of course thy neighbor is a fag... (More)

Man Protesting Death of Man Beaten to Death by Police Beaten to Death by Police

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